What Should I Expect in the Divorce Process?

Four General Principles

First, judges are busy. Very busy. It would be a mistake to think that judges will read through long, convoluted documents or listen to lengthy, rambling discussions in court. It would also be a mistake to expect judges to make moral pronouncements praising the good party and reprimanding the bad party.

Judges want to get down to the business of applying the law as soon as possible. Someone once figured out that judges have, on average, 4 minutes to read any particular filing. In a court hearing, you will be lucky if you have 5 minutes of air time to talk. Most judges just want a few basic facts and then make their decision. If you want to make the judge understand something, say it up front, say it clearly, and say it in a way they will understand.

Second, judges make mistakes. Part of the talent of a good attorney is getting the judge to make mistakes in a certain direction. And unfortunately, there is usually very little you can do to fix the mistakes once made. Judges don’t like reconsidering their decisions, and appellate courts rarely get involved in cases until after the trial decision, which is usually too late.

Third, litigation is unpredictable. Different judges may view the same evidence differently, witnesses sometimes perform better or worse than expected, and legal rulings cannot always be predicted with complete confidence. One important role of an experienced attorney is helping clients understand those risks before making important decisions.

Fourth, litigation is slow. Divorce cases typically take a year or more. It is a marathon, not a sprint. Try to take care of yourself with healthy and fun activities and maintain any support network that you might have. At the same time, try to work through the emotional toll of the failed marriage towards an acceptance of a new and hopefully better life ahead.

What Will You Need To Do?

During your divorce you should expect to:

• gather financial records,
• meet with your attorney,
• complete financial disclosure forms,
• respond to discovery requests,
• attend mediation if necessary,
• attend hearings when necessary,
• make important decisions about settlement.

The most important part of the divorce process is taking care of yourself. Divorce is not only a legal process but an emotional one. There will likely be periods of frustration, uncertainty, and delay. Rely on your support network, maintain healthy habits, and try to come to terms with emotions like loss and betrayal that so often accompany divorce.

It gets better. Although it can all seem overwhelming, divorce cases eventually reach a resolution. You have a bright future ahead, so find the right attorney, take care of yourself, and plan for the next chapter of your life.